Nothing like jumping in at the deep end and seeing what you can do !
As someone who can be quite anxious in certain situations, I often find it amusing that I force myself into them because I love the natural high and growth that comes with it, even if I at times have been kicking and screaming along the way. I think for most of my life I have avoided things like public speaking/singing even dancing if sober. I love to be in a crowd but I don't particularly want to address one. I knew when I decided to take the sound healing course that I would have to confront this part of me, and that it would be really personally healing.
For lots of people talking to a group of people or singing is something they just wont or don't do because experiences through life have made them feel maybe not great at it or silly, and some of us it just doesn't come naturally at all, and some of us are just born with the ability to feel so confident and free to do those things with such ease. I certainly wasn't born with that element, I can remember being very young on stage at the towns theatre with my dance class group dressed as a blue tooth brush, desperately wishing I had been a pink one, and really just not feeling any euphoric yay I did this afterwards or pay off for how sick and anxious and worried I felt knowing people were watching me up there on the stage singing and dancing.
I think when I've watched my siblings or friends children do dance class, acting and singing stuff I've been in awe of their carefree and wild abandon, I don't want to sing in karaoke or read a speech at a wedding, but I do want to guide meditations to a group, use my voice for healing energy tones, be able to stick my headphones on and dance my heart out. So far to help me learn how to do all this I have gone with my friend to a freedom-dance session and held a large sound bath in another town.
The dance experience was something else,I look forward to more of that and we are thinking of starting something small up like that in the future all around the peak district, all genres of music and a chance to meditate with sound in another way altogether 🕺
This one is usually held outside in the woods or on the beach morning or evening, with headphones and a group you just got find your spot and dance for an hour, no chatting just letting go and being in the moment. As it was winter and a smaller group ours was held indoors and with a sound system instead of headphones, lights off and just some twinkly little ones on. I knew I would feel really empowered if I could get over my ego so I and made myself do it. It felt really weird I have to say at first, as expected I felt an idiot and also really cross with myself that I couldn't just cut loose and enjoy an hour of decent tunes and chance for a dance. It is very hard to silence a screaming inside voice telling you no way your not doing it you will look stupid, and why did you do this to yourself. I did though and by the end I was quite in love with the idea of being able to do it more and feel my confidence grow in that environment.
Feeling rather proud of myself for doing something uncomfortable I didn't hesitate to offer a free taster bath for a yoga class. I didn't panic myself about talking to a larger group, or convince myself it would go wrong, right up until we finished the yoga class and then my nerves got me. I was able to deliver a relaxing sound bath that I know I could of done a little better with better planning. And I had to jump off the deep end to realise what that entailed . This was a great learning experience in many ways. It came with a lovely mixture of lessons and realisations; I can speak to a larger group, it needs a little work but as my confidence grows so does my energy. I need to allow myself more time before a session and not feel as rushed. I love what I am doing. Its amazing to stand in a room full of lovely people and feeling them all relaxing to the gong.
May this year be one of continued growth and adventure, I hope I can keep finding ways to challenge myself and grow and inspire others to do the same....
Yoga session. I look forward to finding more groups to work with.